Competition

     It seems as if I am going to be doing a lot of blogging in the middle of the night.  That's okay, I've been a night owl my whole life anyway - it's genetic (just ask my mom).  I am up because, well, I need to stay awake long enough to put my husband's work jeans in the dryer so that he can have clean clothes to wear tomorrow.  Why, you ask, am I proclaiming this to the world?  Well, because it got me thinking about something that I wanted to share.
     I have found something as a mother and a wife.  Women take their housekeeping and child rearing seriously.  We take pride in what we do in our homes, and we pretty much define ourselves with how well we do it.  I do it too.  When I hear a knock on the door, my first thought is, "Oh my gosh, the house is a MESS!"  (And yes, it usually is.)  I don't want people to judge me poorly about the state of my house.  I have spent a lot of time beating myself up for not keeping things perfect, and I very, very often feel like I am not doing a good enough job.
     I grew up in an immaculately clean house.  I don't know how my mom did it or had the energy to keep everything so perfect, but she did.  Then, a few years back, God, in His infinite wisdom (and Divine sense of humor) surrounded me with a whole lot of women who are really, really good at the whole keeping of the home thing.  These women are holy, and sweet, and thoughtful, and their houses are ALWAYS clean.  They are always baking things and hosting little parties, and they never forget to write a thank you note.  I am not saying these things in a snide way - I really and truly admire all of these women, and I feel blessed to be friends with all of them.  Also, don't get me wrong.  I know how to cook and bake, I can clean and wash with the best of them, and I usually remember to get thank you notes written.  These women just take it up a notch - they usually bake their own bread and make their cakes from scratch.  I really admire them and feel blessed to have their friendship.
     The problem comes in when I take my admiration of their accomplishments and starting comparing them to myself.  Of course, I never feel good enough.  My house is not always clean, and I struggle to keep the laundry done.  I buy our bread at the store, and I rarely have time to bake anything - much less from scratch.  I broke down during labor and had an epidural, and now my baby wears disposable diapers (not cloth).  We even (gasp!) eat fast food sometimes.  I remember one time in particular, reading the Facebook status of a friend.  She was talking about how much better her muffins tasted with her home ground flour.  What?!  Here I am feeling accomplished when I am able to cook dinner and get my family fed at a decent time every night, and she is grinding her own flour!  I remember thinking, "How can ever keep up with that?'
     Well that is just it.  I don't have to "keep up with that."  To say that is just silly.  What other mothers are able to do in their homes are their accomplishments, and I need to focus on my own accomplishments in my own home.  To think that I can have all of my accomplishments plus have everyone else's accomplishments too is just absurd, and it is quite prideful!  It is the devil who is whispering those thoughts that I am not good enough in my ears, and when I give in to that I fail at what God expects from me.  Anything that I am able to accomplish is all a gift from God anyway - I sure can't take credit.  I do have my own unique set of God given talents and abilities, and I do have my own unique set of accomplishments too.  If right now, God has me using my talents and energies in places that are different from the places He has my friends using their talents and energies, so be it.  I need to simply be obedient and thankful and realize my place.  It is the devil who would have me constantly compare myself to others - he does not want me focusing on what God is wanting from me.
     So, instead of worrying that I am not baking treats daily from scratch or even grinding my own flour, I need to be thankful for what I am accomplishing (through the grace of God).  My children and husband are healthy and happy.  They know that I am here if they need me.  This week, God has me spending most of my time comforting a tired and teething baby, being a support to an overwhelmed husband who is in the middle of a very busy work week, going over math problems with kids and giving them positive reinforcement, and keeping the chaos away in our home.  I need to quit having my own agenda as to what I should be doing, and be more open to what God's agenda is.  When He is ready for me to put my energy in other places, He will make that happen for me.  His agenda for me does not include comparisons to what other people are doing in their homes.
     With that in mind, I come back to my husband's work jeans (that now happen to be in the dryer).  Instead of focusing on the fact that I forgot about them and had to wash them last minute, I need to focus on the fact that I did knock out the monstrous pile of laundry that came from our recent camping trip.  I also need to focus on the fact that my husband was supported when feeling overwhelmed, my kids were given more confidence in their own abilities in math (and other things as well), and my baby is sound asleep next to me, quite secure in the fact that his mama loves him and will ALWAYS be there for him to make it better.  Thank you God for helping me to accomplish those things!