How To Say I Love You

     As I sit in the living room watching my baby play, crawling from place to place babbling and smiling the whole time, my heart swells.  I think to myself how much I love that little baby.  He is just so precious and fun - such a joy to be around.  He always makes those around him so happy.  He is just SO lovable.  Watching this little baby very often gets me thinking about love and just how that applies not only to my feelings for others, but also to the ways that I am shown that I am loved.
     A while back, a priest said something during a homily at Mass that really stuck with me.  He said that very often our society equates love with a feeling.  When that feeling goes away, many think that the love is gone as well.  He said that if we want to truly understand love, we should look to the example that God Himself gave us.  How did He show us that He loves us?  By becoming man, then suffering and dying on the cross for us.  That was the ultimate and perfect act of love.  It wasn't about a feeling - it was about a choice - an action.  If we want to know if we truly love, we should not look to our feelings to help us decide because feelings are not a constant and they are quite fickle.  Instead, we should realize that our love is a choice, and we show that love through the sacrifices that we make for the person that we love.  These words were so powerful, and they have really stuck with me since that time.  I have seen their truth over and over again in my life.  
     When my husband and I first started dating, I was so happy.  Here was the man that I had always dreamed of.  He was perfect in every way - my knight in shining armor.  He was everything I had always wanted and more!  I thought that I loved him so much.  Looking back I remember knowing that the love I felt for him had to be a bit superficial - I had enough of an understanding of love to know that it was not about a feeling.  I wanted nothing more than to be able to show him true love, and I prayed for that opportunity on a daily basis.  I type this with a smile on my face because that is one of those prayers that God always answers - just not in the way you had pictured.
     Well, surprise, surprise, I have since found out that my husband is, indeed, not perfect.  Turns out that this knight, underneath all of his shining armor, really is human after all!  Shocking!  :-)  (Yes, my husband also found out the same thing about me - my perfection does actually have its limits - hard to believe I know - but true!)  Funny how being married to someone and living with them and dealing with stress together makes all of those non-existent imperfections quite apparent at times.  I often tease him that he had false advertising when we first got together - he is supposed to be perfect!  All joking aside, though, I realize that the trails that we face together are, in their own way, truly an answer to my prayers.  I can honestly say that I love my husband now.  Before, my love was more selfish - I loved him because he made me feel good about myself.  Really I was loving myself.  Now, I can say that I love him for him.  Even when things aren't easy and we have different ideas on how to handle certain stressful situations, we come through and I recognize the outstanding man that he is even if he is not making me feel all lovey dovey.  Does that make sense?  I love him for him - not because he makes me feel good.  Not only did God give me the opportunity to show that I truly love my husband, He also gave me the opportunity to grow and become closer to Him.  Don't get me wrong - most of the time there are plenty of good feelings.  I am just recognizing that now, in a very small way, I can show my own sacrificial love when I let my own selfish desires go in order to prove my love for my husband.  I can take up my own cross and make my own sacrifice and imitate Christ - not only growing closer to my husband but also to Christ at the same time.  This wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I prayed for the opportunity to show that I loved my husband - it is much, much better.  It's harder, but better - that's how God answers our prayers.
      How does this work in everyday life now?  Well, I recognize my feelings for what they are and realize what true love really means.  The concept of sacrificial love applies not only in romantic love between a husband and wife, but also in other types of love as well.  Yes, I love my baby as my heart swells when he gives me kisses - of course.  Really, though, I am loving him more when I wake up in the middle of the night to feed him.  I am loving him more when I show patience when it is the end of the day and I am in need of some down time, but he just can't seem to settle down and go to sleep.  I am showing more love when I stay calm when telling my older son to throw his dirty clothes in the hamper for the millionth time or I show patience with my daughter after she lost the scissors - again.
     I need to remember that, honestly I have a million opportunities a day to truly show love for my family - true love that makes us all feel the presence of God in our lives.  This is the type of love that truly defines - it separates the lightweights from the real deal.  I have a long way to go, but I am blessed to have had such wonderful instruction on the true meaning of love.  I hope and pray that I am able to recognize more of those opportunities throughout the day and to use them to prove my love to my most deserving family.  I am so blessed to be surrounded by the true sacrificial love from a husband who really is amazing and shows me how much he loves me on a daily basis, and I am also blessed with such deserving and sweet children who are there just waiting to soak up the love that I have to offer.  I am blessed to be given the opportunities through my family to show love, grow as a person, and grow closer to God in the process.  This is what true love is all about, and this is an amazing glimpse of what we are striving for in Heaven - to be constantly surrounded by the perfect true love of God in all of His glory.