My Own Divine Mercy Story

      In light of Divine Mercy Sunday coming up tomorrow, I thought it would be nice to give my own story of Divine Mercy.  I posted a while back about my life and how I came to be where I am today, but I did not go into detail about how Divine Mercy played a major role in all of that.  So, without further ado, here it is:

     That summer was a really hard one.  I had a very hard past few years that climaxed and ended with me being a newly single mother after he left.  I had no desire to be with the person who left, but I did not want to be in the place that I was.  I was worried for my children, very alone, and hurt that my life had ended up this way.   Honestly the weight of the world just seemed so much to bear, and to think about the future left me feeling panic and hopelessness.  I was working full time and having to leave my children, and at that point (since it was summer) my children were staying with my parents during the week and I would go be with them on the weekend.  This was not at all the life that I wanted either for me or for my children.  Again, I was alone - so very alone.
     After the kids started school (they went to Kindergarten - the first they had ever been in school), I found out what it was like to get up at the crack of dawn, drop off my kids at school and have to break my heart by literally pulling them off of me crying so that I could leave and go to work.  Then I would work all day, feeling guilty for being away from my children.  I would pick them up from the after school program, knowing that they had to be at school an extra couple of hours when most of the other kids got to go home because their mothers had picked them up when school ended.  We would go home, eat whatever frozen food I had the energy to cook, get baths and go to bed.  I had, at the most, about two hours a day with them - two hours at the end of the day when I was exhausted and stressed and had to do the stuff like giving them baths and feeding them.  The next morning we would get up and do it all over again.  It was hard to say the very least.  I would live for the weekend and then spend most of Sunday dreading Monday.
     Again, through all of this, I was alone - so very alone.  I had everything on my shoulders - cleaning house, paying bills, working to support myself and the kids, doctors appointments, maintenance on the car, laundry, cooking, going to the grocery store, etc., etc., etc.  Then there were things like tornado sirens, blackouts, freezing weather, and even a hurricane (we didn't live on the coast, but this one threatened to come pretty far inland).  Again, I faced all of this alone.  I didn't even know our neighbors because I was never home.  I was not wanting the person who left to be there - he was never much of a support in that stuff anyway.  I was wanting things to be the way they were supposed to be - women are supposed to be cherished and protected by their husbands who loves them.  They are supposed to feel safe and protected.  Why had my life turned out this way?
     When my birthday came around I had to do something just wonderful - go see my attorney and face all of the terrible legal stuff that was coming.  Then my mother called with an inspiration.  There was a retreat coming up that weekend - a silent retreat that centers around Divine Mercy.  This particular order of nuns and priests and brothers had devoted their lives to promoting the message of St. Faustina and Divine Mercy.  When my mom suggested that, I was apprehensive.  Don't get me wrong - I knew that it was special, but I just couldn't see how in the world I was going to be able to take off from work and just leave everything from Friday until Sunday.  Who was going to take care of my kids and all of the many things I had to manage?  She was persistent, though, and offered to take care of things for me so that I could go.  That was her birthday present to me.  I finally gave in and went.
     That was the turning point.  Up until that time I did cling to my Catholic Faith and I loved it, but it was very abstract for me.  All of the things I believed because I knew that they were real, but the everyday, real life, tangible effect of that for me at the time was me saying my prayers, trying to avoid sin, reading about the lives of the saints and holy people, and going to Mass.  I was blind to all of the little stuff and the ways God works everyday.  Looking back, I know that I felt the effects of God working, but I just didn't recognize what it was.  My Faith was more something that I did and believed because I knew it was good and holy and would lead me to Heaven, but it was not as much something that I felt - something that I experienced.  Now, I know that basing your Faith off of feelings is very dangerous, and that is not at all what I am suggesting should be done here.  The devil can very easily manipulate your feelings, and even without the evil one working, feelings change with the wind.  What I am trying to say is more that I made my Catholic Faith personal - it was for me, not just what I read about and saw other people experiencing.  I was finally understanding - truly understanding what the saints talked about  - the joy and love of living their Faith.  I could feel and recognize God's love around me and see Him working.  Mass was an oasis, and the sacraments were gifts that I was given over and over again.  I'm getting ahead of myself, though.
     We started out that weekend by driving to an old convent.  The little sisters (who were not of the same order as the ones running the retreat - they were just kind and charitable) let us use their rooms and even their linens.  I walked in and saw the holiest people in the priest, nuns, and brother who were running the retreat.  They were in full habit, and they were just not of this world.  We had a meal in which Father explained to us how things worked, and then we went silent.  The whole weekend was spent in prayer, listening to the various talks (and they were not boring - truly inspiring talks), attending Mass, going to Confession, spiritual direction, Adoration, and just being alone with God.  The world was shut out - I was in my safe place.  I was alone with Jesus, and He was protecting me - taking care of me and cherishing me.  He was giving me what I was longing for.  He had been wanting to do that for the longest time - how did I miss it?  I was so busy with the world and the stress and the hurt that I had blinded myself to the very thing that I was wanting - Jesus waiting for me and all of His saints and angels (the ones in this world and the next) waiting for me to let them in so that they could take care of me.  Christ wanted me to recognize that He was there with me the whole time - holding me and protecting me, keeping me safe, but I didn't know it because I didn't know how to see it.  I wasn't alone and I never was!
     I left that retreat a new person.  My eyes were opened, and I had the spiritual armor that I needed to face the battles and heartache of this cold, cruel world.  Later, I received in the mail the image of Divine Mercy.  That image has meant so much to me.  I look at it and see Jesus, with His most Sacred Heart, and the blue and red streams coming down from His heart - coming straight to me (and the rest of the world) representing all of His love and the graces and the strength and the help that He sends - His Mercy.  He is so generous - His Divine Love and Mercy are truly endless - we can just let go and immerse ourselves in them - jump into this ocean of Love and just let Christ hold us and carry us through this world.  
     Jesus and St. Faustina (that beautiful saint who shared her story and visions so that we could recognize Divine Mercy) were not done with me, though.  They both took hold of me personally - I could really and tangibly feel the prayers of St. Faustina coming down from Heaven and Christ standing by my side leading me.  It's amazing how the saints find us and not the other way around.  Yes, we have the people in this world who love us and who are our friends.  They pray for us and help us and give us advice.  The saints really do the same for us as well - they just do it from Heaven.  God has blessed us with them as much as He has blessed us with the family and friends who are here on the earth with us.  Well, St. Faustina found me and was my new best friend.
     As my life continued it didn't just magically get easier - not at all.  I did, however, have my strength to face it.  A few months later I had to face a court hearing that I was dreading - one of many that I was going to have to face.  I went into it afraid, but I put on my Spiritual armor of prayer, gritted my teeth, and plowed forward.  Well, after we got there a delay happened with the judge and we had to wait.  My attorney took that opportunity to try to come to some agreements outside of court. Would you believe that we were able to come to agreements about everything and have everything finalized right then and there.  It wasn't even scheduled to be that type of hearing, and everything was wrapped up, finalized, and over - I was not going to have to face going back to court!  My mom was there with me (so I wouldn't have to be alone), and when we got in the car afterward, she remembered that she had something that she needed to give me.  One of my uncles, who I have not spoken with in years (and who has his own struggles) had sent me a letter.  Since he didn't know my address he had sent it to my parents.  I opened it and my jaw dropped.  My uncle (who I did not know was even practicing his Faith) had three Masses said for me at the National Shrine of Divine Mercy.  Yes, you read that right - the National Shrine of Divine Mercy in Massachusetts.  Okay Jesus - I hear you!
     Later, I was wanting to try to find a different career so that I didn't have to leave my children so much.  Although I didn't have a teaching degree, that seemed the best option for me so that I could be at the school with them all day.  Well, St. Faustina heard me, and my new best friend pretty much took my hard and led me to where I needed to be.  My mother (yes, I recognize how instrumental my mother has been through all of this) was doing an internet search for me (I had a particularly hard morning and called her on my lunch break from work).  She noticed the name of a school that caught her attention.  The name of that school had very close ties to Divine Mercy.  Anyway, my mother being my mother picked up the phone and called.  That school turned out to be a tremendous blessing, filled with holy and very, very Faithful Catholics.  I was blessed with a job there, and I picked up and moved.  Although the pay wasn't nearly as much as I was making at my other job, God opened doors and kept my children and me safe.  Not once did we go without something that we needed.
     I could list miracle after miracle that my children and I experienced.  From the condo that we were led to live in (the one that the owner spontaneously decided to come down on the price so that I could afford to live there, which just happened to be surrounded by very good people who turned out to be supportive and wonderful friends - right across from an adoration chapel) to the toy store gift cards that I received anonymously on St. Nicholas Day so that Christmas was beyond taken care of for my children, God just kept blessing us and blessing us.  Of course, I have already written about one of the very best miracles and blessings - my sweet husband who happened to come back into my life exactly as the Church granted an annulment and I knew that I might be called to marry.  (Yes, I did say back into my life - that is another story that will have to wait for another blog post.)
     It's amazing how God can bring the greater good into any situation, no matter how hopeless it may seem.   Divine Mercy Sunday is, obviously, quite special to me.  Although the traditional meaning of Divine Mercy is the fact that we can attain Heaven, there are so many ways to experience Divine Mercy while we are still on this earth.  I hope everyone else is able to experience and recognize this Divine Mercy in their lives as much as I have been able to have it in mine.  Happy Divine Mercy Sunday (almost!).  :-)